Mosquitos: This week's winner of The Onion Award

Hello again, fellow grumps!! I know I haven't blogged since FOREVER but I have been a bit busy living my life and blah blah blah. Ok, let's get started!

Once again, we are awarding the Onion Award to something so vile and awful, it deserves it's own blog post. Mosquitos. What the hell is their purpose on this Earth?? Other than to spread disease and be a nuisance?? NONE! Mosquitos have no practical purpose on this Earth. At all.

They have a life span of approx. 1 month but, sometimes, they live only 1-2 weeks. The reason for this is because THEY ARE USELESS. You know how they breed? The females fly into a swarm of males and all of them get to hit that and make more shit babies!! Nasty!

So, mosquitos, I hate you! And, therefore, you are the winners of the Onion Award. May you rot in hell!

The Onion Award

Everyone thinks my bloggie could use a review about something. And what's more awesome than a good review? A BAD ONE. Because nobody likes it more than when something they hate gets dumped on. So I thought "Who's MORE qualified to give a review about something they hate than ME?" NO ONE, BITCHES!

So here's my review on one of the nastiest condiments I have EVER come in contact with: the onion.

Onions are freaking disgusting!! I HATE smelling onions ANYWHERE whether it's in your house, at a restaurant, on your breath. If I so much as taste a HINT of an onion in my food, I feel nauseated. And don't even THINK of using the SAME cutting board you used to cut that vile thing to cut the other veggies. Cuz that's grounds for a rap in the mouth (Thanks, grandpa, for this phrase)

Onions are disgusting and should you choose to eat one in my presence, you have to sit/stand at least 4 feet away from me.

Don't you people wonder why onions make you cry when you cut them?!? It's because that's God's punishment to you for making a poor choice by eating that weed. When you cut an onion, freaking CELLS are broken and a noxious GAS is released and it goes in your eyes and damages them to tears!!!! It's like God's own foul-smelling grenade!! And if you don't believe me, look that shit up.

It's not like you have anything better to do. Unless you want to go around like Shrek and eat onions like an apple. Blech! Foul Creature!

So, onion weed, you win the FIRST EVER Onion Award. Congrats and all that

I HATE Stupid People!!!!

You know what's sad about stupid people?!? There's a couple of things.

Number 1: They THINK they're intelligent. Oh ya! They'll even occasionally use a big word even if it's out of context and they have NO idea about it's actual definition. Not only that, but they'll try to impress you with either their job title (which is something like retired school teacher. Translate: jobless) or their claims of being vastly superior in every way. They have no clue that these claims make them look DUMB and that we do not believe one word that they are saying. They also have no clue that we are drowning them out by singing Christmas carols in our head.

And Number 2: They have ZERO common sense. What the heck happened to common sense?!?! That's always been my question!!! Common sense certainly ISN'T common and if you ever come across someone like me that actually possesses it, make fast friends with them because you'll need us later on in life when you're on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" and you need a Phone-A-Friend.

I don't know where all the smart people went but I almost feel like what's happened now is that we're having a kind of Zombie Apocalypse but, instead of zombies, stupid people are roaming around freely. So I'm going to do exactly what I intend to do if there ever is a Zombie Apocalypse. I'm going to run around with a bat and hit stupid people in the freaking head!!!!

Telephone Etiquette

WHAT is wrong with people not knowing how to use the phone?!?

I know you can pick it up and dial but is that where your knowledge ENDS?!? There are RULES for using the phone that everyone should abide by and if you don't, you run the risk of me hanging up on your sorry butt. It's happened plenty of times. I am rude to people with no phone etiquette. I hate them, plain and simple. If you don't want me to hang up on you or be rude to you, here are the rules you should abide by:

1. NEVER call me and immediately ask "Who is this?". Nothing pisses me off more on a phone call than those 3 words when YOU freaking called ME!! You say this instead: "Hello, this is So and So. I missed a call from this number and I am returning it. Do you know who called me?" or something to that effect.

2. Don't eat on the phone unless you absolutely have to! If someone calls you while you are eating, take a break. Tell the person that you are eating and that you will call them back. Nobody wants chewing in their ear. If they insist on staying on the phone, then you are allowed. Serves them right!

3. NEVER call me early in the morning or late at night. I don't like to wake up early especially on the weekends when I am off. You wake up my baby, I'll make you pay dearly. Late at night, same thing. I'm awake but my kids are not. So F OFF!

4. If you call someone by mistake, say "Sorry, I have the wrong number" don't just hang up. That is SO rude!!

 5. Don't walk into businesses while talking on your cel phone and expect to be helped. When people do that at my job, I don't acknowledge them. I pretend that I don't see them. Why should I acknowledge you if you're not acknowledging your rudeness? Are you trying to impress me with your popularity?! Cuz I'm not impressed.

6. If you call me, allow me some time to get to the dang phone. It pisses me off that I have to stop what I am doing, go to the phone, pick it up and hear a dialtone because you're impatient. Don't call me unless you have time to wait and then talk!! So stupid!

And, finally, #7. When did people stop calling people just to say "HI"? How come every time I get a call it's because you need something?!? From now on, if you call and say "Can you do me a favor?" My answer will be "NO"! How do like them apples?

So much for loyalty...

First off, I'd like to welcome my fellow grumps to my new blog. I'm not going to get all sappy and huggy and junk cuz, frankly, I don't feel like it. But I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your reads and comments and your support.

Kk, enough of that. Time to get to the REAL reason we're here. Which is me wanting to get something off of my chest that has made me grumpy today. And it's ads that target NEW customers. Like, new customers save money and new customers get free this and free that. What the heck am I?!? Chopped liver?!? No, I've only been a loyal customer for 12 FREAKING YEARS!!! I swear (yes i swear), every time I see one of those ads, I want to call up the company and cuss them out until I get free stuff. I mean, whatever happened to loyalty? Like, ooh you've been with us for over 10 years, let me hook you up some free movie channels for 6 months. SOMETHING!! Give me something!! Don't make me watch your ads where you are giving free stuff to people so they'll use your product and then keep ME, your loyal freaking customer, on hold for 2 hours when I have an issue!!!

There I said it. It makes me grumpy EVERY time. Now, I'm grumpy just writing about it.