Everyone thinks my bloggie could use a review about something. And what's more awesome than a good review? A BAD ONE. Because nobody likes it more than when something they hate gets dumped on. So I thought "Who's MORE qualified to give a review about something they hate than ME?" NO ONE, BITCHES!
So here's my review on one of the nastiest condiments I have EVER come in contact with: the onion.
Onions are freaking disgusting!! I HATE smelling onions ANYWHERE whether it's in your house, at a restaurant, on your breath. If I so much as taste a HINT of an onion in my food, I feel nauseated. And don't even THINK of using the SAME cutting board you used to cut that vile thing to cut the other veggies. Cuz that's grounds for a rap in the mouth (Thanks, grandpa, for this phrase)
Onions are disgusting and should you choose to eat one in my presence, you have to sit/stand at least 4 feet away from me.
Don't you people wonder why onions make you cry when you cut them?!? It's because that's God's punishment to you for making a poor choice by eating that weed. When you cut an onion, freaking CELLS are broken and a noxious GAS is released and it goes in your eyes and damages them to tears!!!! It's like God's own foul-smelling grenade!! And if you don't believe me, look that shit up.
It's not like you have anything better to do. Unless you want to go around like Shrek and eat onions like an apple. Blech! Foul Creature!
So, onion weed, you win the FIRST EVER Onion Award. Congrats and all that
I have cried so many times at school because of having to use an onion in a recipe. I think I have the hang of it now after taking a quarter of Latin cuisine (lots of onions and peppers). But my hands always smelled like onions for days after cutting one, even after millions of washings.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, and yes! I always make other people cut their own onions if they want them (on burgers or whatever) because I cannot stand the things!
ReplyDeleteI just bought a mini-food processor for the express purpose of cutting up onions! If I try to slice one up I end up having to walk away three or four times in the process to let my eyes recover >.<
ReplyDeleteOh, and my brother used to eat onions like apples :D